Family

Today was my family's annual Christmas get-together. While it was good to see most of the people there, it was yet another reminder that I am a total failure and if I don't pick up my act my entire family will line up and kick my ass. My mom will be at the end to kill me.

The one thing I accomplished this year (2013) was the article I got published in my local paper. Nothing else.

I have no scholarships. I have no job. I have no source of income to tide me over. I have nothing. I'd be living on the streets if it wasn't for my grandmother.

Right now, I seriously hate everything about myself and my life and what I haven't accomplished. I also hate that I've pulled out all my eyebrows and eyelashes. I have trichotillomania, which is obsessive hair pulling. In severe cases, people pull out the hair on their heads and bald patches form. I'm not that bad,  if I'll ever get that bad, but I always pull my lashes and brows out when I'm stressed or reading or when I'm feeling bad about myself. Which is a lot lately. So my brows and lashes are gone.

I had a chat with my aunt today when she realised the lashes I had on were fake. She gave me a pep talk about holding myself high, and if you don't have it to fake it, unleash my inner actress. I know what to do, I just have to actually do it. Story of my fucking life.

On the bright side, my penpal will be flying back to Britain tomorrow so our RP and letters can resume. And correspondence about her visit over the summer will be easier too. We'll be dialing down the frequency of our emails though, because if I don't pass Shakespeare this time I might just kill myself before my mom gets to me.