Mentally Exhausted

I'm back to college after a long week of stress.

My grandfather's funeral was Thursday. On Halloween. What a day to be buried, you know? But the service was actually quite beautiful, though I never cried. Not even when my grandpa was lowered into his grave. He's behind a stone Bible and right by a corn field, which is absolutely perfect for him. Wherever he is now, I hope he's happy and pain free and has all his lively energy back.

I spent a lot of time with family Wednesday through Saturday, which was actually a lot better than I thought it would be. We shared memories of my grampa, ate good food, and a majority of us cried together. I think my brother and I were two of the few people who didn't cry. My pastor's wife (whom I love to death) understood, saying we both have delayed emotions. It'll take a while for it to hit me that I'm never going to see my grampa again, and I'll cry then months after his death. That's usually how it goes for me. Thanksgiving is going to be hard this year I think. Christmas too.

This entire week has just left me mentally exhausted and emotionally drained, even though I showed very little emotion. I know bottling it up isn't good, but I honestly don't feel anything right now. I'm just numb and in shock. It'll hit me a couple months down the road, maybe a little longer, and I'll be a sobbing, inconsolable mess. Trust me. It's happened before. I know how I work.

I'm going to go before I get myself all worked up. I need to go to bed before I collapse on my laptop. Night all.

~A